August 28, 2015

Either end

We lay sunggled in bed early morning. Not my husband and I, obviously, but my older son and I. We spoke about not much. The should-be -dead cat tried and failed to settle herself on our lumpy bodies and I lifted her gently and placed her on Steve's still slumbering form. The transfer took. A moment later she raised herself awkwardly onto bent legs shuddering with an unproductive hack cough and I wondered for about the 2,000th time if her quality of life was good enough to keep things going. Read more [...]
August 27, 2015


Have you ever stood at a curb and considered the single step it would take to put yourself in front of the Staples Truck that is barreling past you? No? Me neither. Except this morning. But obviously I didn't do it.  And it wasn't for the sadness and endingness of it all that I considered taking that step. It was for the novelty. I am not a fun mom. I can be fun-ny, but physical humor and play have pretty much been out of my repertoire for as long as I can remember. Walking to the sundial Read more [...]
August 26, 2015

Money Pit

The idea made sense. I love renovations, I love drywall dust and ram board. I walk the site looking for changes big and small, seeking small tweaks that will make things more beautiful, more livable. I love having a site. I love using the word site. You know what I don't love? Hail damage, mold and radon. Missing hot water heaters and broken furnaces. Most of all I don't like leaving the new egress window and flooding the bathroom. Not because it caused the most damage, but because it was Read more [...]
April 8, 2015

I’m all thumbs.

Walking past the door to the TV room/guest room/playroom I hear Leo tell someone that he has two brothers. He is on Skype so the person on the other line doesn't have any reason to question him. This anonymous player will never meet Leo's brothers, real Or imagined. I wonder briefly why someone who often laments the existence of an actual brother would create a second, but I don't linger physically or mentally to figure it out. I need to get back to oliver. Wednesday is game night. Since I Read more [...]
January 21, 2015

My balls

For years Leo has annotated our Apples to Apples cards. Instead of beachballs the smudged marker now reads "MYballs" He uses it like a punchline the way my preadolescent self tagged "in bed" to the end of each fortune cookie slip. It never fails to amuse him, and generally the rest of us as well. "Oh dear" exclaims his older brother and Leo looks at him through slitted eyes. Too soft, he seems to say. "My balls" he corrects and they run off together, small problem averted for the time being. I Read more [...]
January 20, 2015

If you could just be sad somewhere else

The cat sits in her chicken pose, dreadlocks growing from her jutted out shoulder. Even her good eye is goopy. I cant see her tail stump but I know it, like her deafness, is there. She is not an attractive specimen. Oliver walks slowly from room to room mewling about an assignment he doesn't want to complete. He usually just puts his head down and gets his work done but for some reason the fictional chef and his good smelling tomato sauce is not inspiring an essay. Steve is traveling again Read more [...]
September 28, 2014

Its sort of funny

Ah- choo. Crap. AHHHH-CHOOOO. Well now I've done it. Steve looks at me with sympathy from the bedroom door. He is dressed and ready to ride his new bike to food shopping. Oliver flat out laughs. "Its sort of funny how you smile and frown at the same time." I'm sitting on the bed with my laptop trying to spur some sort of post, and now I am going to have to get up and change my clothes, and change the sheets. Since the new kitten with her less than perfect litter box skills and Read more [...]
September 24, 2014

Online literacy and anal rape.

Once you clear the nightmare scenarios of kidnapping and fatal illness, walking into the room to your seven year old's screams to find him frozen in front of a video of anal rape is pretty much the last thing a parent wants. It happened to us almost a year ago, and it still comes up at the dinner table and bed time occasionally. He refers to it as "that thing I saw" and we all know what he means. I would describe it here, except I don't want to relive it myself. The details were beyond anything Read more [...]
September 24, 2014

What love does.

Crows feet, acne, double chins, chin hair, limp hair, shortness, short of breath, bad breath, bad mood. None. Of. That. Means. Anything. When I am with you in this exact moment.


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